You Raise Me Up
by It'sNotUnusual
Summary: A songfic, birthdayfic for Antie. :  The Doctor reflects a little on his relationship with River. FLUFF. ONESHOT. COMPLETE.


**A/N: This is a birthday present (part of it) for Antie, whose birthday it is today! :D **

**So yeah. **

**Disclaimer: BBC own all. Apart from Josh Groban's version of the song. **

_When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary; _

_When troubles come and my heart burdened be; _

_Then, I am still and wait here in the silence, _

_Until you come and sit awhile with me. _

When they'd started all of this, he would be the first to admit that it had been a little awkward. After all, he'd kissed both River and Amy. Her _mum_.

Who wouldn't find that awkward?

Plus the fact that she'd been conceived in what he sonsidered his house. Though he didn't try to think about that too much, because really.

_You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; _

_You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; _

_I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; _

_You raise me up _

_To more than I can be. _

However, if you forgot about all that, him and River really were the perfect two.

…

After Amy and Rory.

_You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; _

_You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; _

_I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; _

_You raise me up _

_To more than I can be. _

River _understood_. When the situation felt so desperate that he couldn't see a way out, she would remain calm, the voice of reason, and point out the obvious way he'd overlooked.

It was bloody hard. He couldn't have a normal day with her, not even one, because she kept flitting around. Well, they both did. It was like that book… The Time-Traveller's Wife. And sometimes it got so desperate, because he'd look at her, this beautiful woman he was in complete and irreversible love with, and he wouldn't even know her.

In the Library, when she'd sacrificed herself, with his past regeneration, it had felt like torture. He didn't even know her yet, know her wonderful story, but she was already woven in so tightly into his timestream, that her death would always hurt.

_There is no life – no life without its hunger; _

_Each restless heart beats so imperfectly; _

_But when you come and I am filled with wonder,_

_Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity. _

It was her idea, after about the fifth time he'd let something slip that he shouldn't have. She started a journal, a notebook she'd bound herself, on her adventures with him. It felt almost like a curse that they had to live in opposite directions. But he had plenty of curses, and here he was.

He hadn't told River it existed, that secret passage under the TARDIS, the one that held everything he treasured and wanted to keep safe forever. When River was busy in the kitchen – or driving, as she would later on – sometimes he'd reach into the treasures and pull out a battered blue book – the finished secrets journal.

He never opened it. He didn't want to read something he shouldn't and spoil his future. But it was always bittersweet to watch River writing in the journal, still new and white, when – for once – he knew how it ended up.

_You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; _

_You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; _

_I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; _

_You raise me up _

_To more than I can be. _

He put on some Christmas music, secular and upbeat. He _was _going to dance with her, to just enjoy her company for one night – shut up, he could be romantic if he so felt like it – but it didn't really work that way. He'd remembered that she knew how to drive the TARDIS.

Thinking about it, he could just teach her how to drive it now. Plus he couldn't dance. Not _really_. It just hadn't seemed like a valuable option, when he was choosing on Gallifrey. So he'd opted for Punning and Word Play.

Yes, he had. And, _no_ – contrary to River's belief – he didn't make that up. He had a graduation certificate to prove it.

_You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; _

_You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; _

_I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; _

_You raise me up _

Well, he did. But it burned, with the rest of the planet.

No. He needed to stop going back to that. River said it was always depressing people, him constantly bringing that up. And she was right. At any rate, today was about them. Everything was right, here and now, something he didn't get a lot. Might as well keep it this way for a little time, at least.

He smiled at her, for once taking a break from her writing. As she grinned back, it suddenly struck him how beautiful River was. He'd never imagined he would be in the deep love he was now in, but look where he was.

_To more than I can be. _


End file.
